Notre vrai moi n'est pas tout entier en nous.
— Jean Jacques Rousseau
I am stealing the “Exteriors” concept from Annie Ernaux. Thank you for inspiring me.
17 May
Just finished Exteriors by Annie Ernaux. The point of this is to write the sights and sounds. I am leaving soon.
18 May
Lady Gaga concert — can’t tell if there are more men or women. It is a good concert, many young people but also some middle-aged couples who are there for a good time.
19 May
There is a family of five that get onto the morning bus — three young boys and their parents. The boys are dressed in identical school uniforms; they attend an international school. Their mother takes out one of those drawing pads, and writes “I Love You” on it. As soon as she shows it to them, they snatch the board away from her, erase its contents, and start playing hangman with football players.
20 May
Fell down from bicycle. Only some blood but people are willing to stare as soon as you look slightly different.
27 May
At the temple. Lots of people in PMDs, selling tissue paper or flowers. I hope the temple outlasts me; I donate money every time I patronise it.
Central Library. Lots of people on their laptops doing work or otherwise, books remain relatively untouched.
28 May
At the US embassy for visa interview; arrived early but certainly wasn’t the only one with that idea. The energy is tense: it is that morning where pauses in visa interviews are announced. We pray to different entities but our goals are still the same.
A young Indian couple and their few-months old baby, looking to get an immigrant visa: the father works in tech. A Chinese man who can barely string together a few sentences in English. An exchange student from SMU, who nervously responds to the question “So why are you going to the US?” with such an “oral exam”-esque response that the interviewer tells her it’s enough.
30 May
Arrived at RI for (probably) the last film society showcase. The Club Automatica kids are playing table tennis; good for them. I join for a while and am surprised at how much I was willing to endure just to play table tennis (it is extremely hot and poorly ventilated). The aisles of Chill remain familiar. The Paynow QR codes remain at the same place. The variety of products has increased slightly.
The theatre is sparsely filled. Next to me are a group of JC kids, self-proclaimed cinephiles (they love Marvel), no doubt good friends. They laugh at the right moments, though they talk at the wrong ones. There is a short film wherein the main character is Simon and his best friend (a fish) is named Garfunkel. The Marvel fans are evidently confused.
There is a mock film noir and mock western; I wonder how many people have watched from these genres before.
8 June
Visited Central Library for a talk about Chinese names in Singapore. Surprisingly, the venue reached full capacity (in retrospect: the talk was free, after all). The speaker, Don Low, is a comedian by training. He engages the audience well; it is certainly entertaining.
The talk is slated to start at 3pm. Don announces that people are still streaming in, and the talk will start late. An older woman sitting in front of me (in English): “Haiya, these events, shouldn’t wait for the latecomers.” The talk ends late.
I pay my last visit to the reference library. It is filled, as usual, with more students than people who use the reference library material. Ephemeral teenage couples, wearing a multitude of JC drifits, never their own.
12 June
Brainhack day. There are fewer women at the talk and at the competition combined than the number of buffet tables in the corridor. I grab some food from the buffet and head into the competition venue, arriving just as a whole group picture is being taken. Cameraman announces that I have to be in the picture — everyone groans. One of the guys says: “It’s okay. They need more diversity in the picture.”. His friend, next to him, laughs.
Somehow I bump into Yu Rou. We go to Koi Signature at Suntec; we get two Baileys Earl Grey drinks and study Maths. Next to us, a woman rants about her daughter, her daughter’s boyfriend, and everything in between. She is evidently frustrated and completely disillusioned about her own parenting. I am thankful that my life is no longer interesting.
Five Guys for dinner: it is filled with people from all walks of life. A woman (in cantonese): “This place, they don’t serve chicken or fish.”
20 June
Gastrobeats. Filled with noisy young people. Who knew there could be so many people congregated at such a small space. Queues are long, kids are hyped up still. The longest queue is for a photobooth.
13 July
Grand Budapest Hotel at The Projector. Lots of teenage girls here, possibly some couples (a girl says “that’s kinda gaggy” to her companion when the advert for “No Other Land” plays). I’m not sure how they heard of this movie, but if I had a girlfriend, I would bring her to watch Grand Budapest Hotel too.
Grand Budapest Hotel is a perfect movie.
15 July
Today I decide to cycle to Toa Payoh. It is a weekday morning so the park is extremely empty. There are still people around though, which is always nice to see. Mostly old folks with prams in tow.
19 July
Bishan Park cycling. Today there are many monks running. There is another charity run event. I wonder if the runners are happy. Does running bring them joy?
Today I wear the Robocup 2021 shirt. More people stare when I am wearing that shirt, compared to Robocup 2023 or Run for Parkinsons.
24 July
Maxwell Food Center. It’s quite early so the lunch crowd hasn’t arrived, though there is a fair share of tourists. We share a table with a pair of Chinese tourists who don’t know the difference between “orh luak” and “orh jian”.
29 July
Star Vista stairs. Many secondary school students doing homework on the stairs, occasionally pausing to make a silly comment. This is a time that will never come back to them, maybe they will not remember this exact moment, but perhaps in the future they will see younger versions of themselves. It doesn’t have to be exact, it could be the smallest of mannerisms. It’s the way young lovers act as if they’re the only people in the world. It’s the way mothers care for their children in the most silent of ways. It’s the way people stare at each other as they walk past, trying to get a glimpse of another stranger’s soul. It’s the way these sights inadvertently shape who we are. It is what I will miss.
On other occasions, a woman waiting at a check-out desk would remind me of my mother because of the way she moved or spoke. So it is outside my own life that my past existence lies: in passengers commuting on the subway or the RER; in shoppers glimpsed on escalators at Auchan or in the Galeries Lafayette; in complete strangers who cannot know that they possess part of my story; in faces and bodies which I shall never see again. In the same way, I myself, anonymous among the bustling crowds on streets and in department stores, must secretly play a role in the lives of others.
— Annie Ernaux, Exteriors