(Yes I know I am reposting this; just needed to keep a record.)
[Funny how I’ve already seen two of my friends post on their birthdays on their substacks.]
The past year has been, needless to say, eventful. There was the closing of a long chapter, the soon opening of another, and all the in-between. 6 years at Raffles, 12 years of education in Singapore, all done and dusted; soon I’ll be flying off to a foreign country to continue my studies. In between that, there’s been both relaxing times and stressful ones (yet, this is probably the happiest I’ve ever been, so far).
Nineteen is such a “filler” age, if you get what I mean. It’s in between the two golden ages of 18 and 21, just a barrier that one has to pass to reach the next point. It’s not ecstasy that I’m feeling today; it’s rather bittersweet, with a dose of happiness and gratitude [which make it ever so slightly different from ambivalence].
This year I feel so especially remembered by so many people. Many people (some of whom I didn’t expect at all) have sent me their well-wishes and have wished me all the best for the journey ahead. This year is also the first year that I’m intensely cognizant of the fact that I don’t usually congratulate people on their birthdays (if you are someone that has been affected by this, I will be doing better) and I’m (frankly) rather surprised that so many people continue to stick around. So many of my friends read and comment about what I post here, which I still can’t fathom, really. (Thank you!)
For the past few years (post-COVID), I’ve gone to the library on my birthday. Specifically, I go to borrow some DVDs: in the past this used to be at the Esplanade library (which has sadly closed down), and now this is situated at the Central Library. [So currently I’m writing this in the basement of the recently-renovated Central Library.]
There is something very special about going to the library to borrow media, in an era where people mostly use the library as a studying spot or as a refuge from the intense heat. I often preach to my friends that they should borrow media from the library (though I doubt that anyone listens), for it is a signal that this is something that we still care about. Certainly, the wide availability of such resources is something that I really enjoy about our public libraries, and I hope to continue seeing it in the future. [The line of logic is this: if people don’t borrow books/magazines/DVDs/CDs from the libraries, there is no justification for continuing the provision of such materials. In the age where everything can be found online (through legal or illegal means), this would ultimately result in the fall of such public institutions. So: go to the library to borrow some books, goddamnit.]
I love walking around the area here: it’s an interesting amalgamation of new skyscrapers and traditional shophouses, bustling temples next to new office buildings. Even though I’ve walked around here many times now, I still found myself taking pictures on my film camera (I’ll post these eventually) (I told myself there couldn’t possibly be anything left for me to photograph, and boy was I wrong), and the nostalgia really kicked in. I don’t know how long these historical structures will last, but they’ve been a part of my landscape for so long that I’ll definitely be disappointed to see them go.
Usually I spend my birthdays alone, reflecting and contemplating about my experiences and life at large — honestly, I have found lots of time and reasons to do this ever since A levels ended, so today just seems like a normal day (except that I’m not going to work!) (I was going to go to RGS today, but the juniors don’t need me [I doubt that they’ll read this, but how could you do this to me!]).
Regardless of how much I try to think about it, the future still remains rather uncertain; yet, it is something that I have little control over. I recall in P4 when we read A Single Shard (I say ‘we’ because this happens to be a common experience amongst many of my friends, and probably many people who are reading this now; if this doesn’t relate to you, I’m sorry.), there was a quote on the back cover that I distinctly remember:
Realizing a dream can be very hard, though. Sometimes, a dream can seem so far away, it almost disappears. But maybe if Tree-ear takes it one hill, one valley, one day at a time, just maybe, he'll be able to make his dream come true.
- A Single Shard, Linda Sue Park
Isn’t that it? One day at a time. Days become weeks, then months, and soon enough, a year has gone by. Many years have passed in this fashion…
It has been years since I first read A Single Shard. Yet, I can somehow still recall this quote and still continue to live by it, through monotonous routines and stressful situations. Today is just one small part of everything; there’s still tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow; but today reminds me of all that I have been blessed with, which I will carry with me for as long as I can remember.
If you’re still reading: thank you.