"Right person, wrong time"

In Wong Kar Wai’s 2046 (2004), we follow a man, Chow, as he writes a story of the eponymous 2046, an endless train where people go to relive their memories. As he writes this story, he finds himself incorporating various lovers from his life, and we see him reflect on these characters in a non-linear manner.

Near the end of the film, as he reflects on his love life, saying:

“Love is all a matter of timing. It’s no good meeting the right person too soon, or too late.”

It is touching. It is beautiful. But I find this rather difficult to resonate with.

In the film, we see Chow’s (failed) experiences with multiple lovers. First, Bai Ling, whom he runs away from when she asks for commitment; second, Jing Wen, who is deeply in love with someone else; third, Su Lizhen, his former lover (from In The Mood for Love), whose life is a mystery that Chow never unravels.

All of these people cannot be said to be the “right” person. If you meet the “right” person at a “wrong” time, that may just not be the one. For example: one could say that Chow met Bai Ling at the wrong time because he was not yet aware of how much he loved her, and had not learnt the beauty of commitment. But yet, if it was through Bai that Chow learnt these things, and that Chow had to leave Bai to realise this, how could Bai be the “right” one for Chow? The wrong person could teach us a lot of things about the world.

It is also through Bai that Chow learns to respect love — after he realises that Jing Wen is still in love with her long-distance boyfriend, he sets up ways for the couple’s relationships to strengthen, such as being a middleman for sending and receiving letters. He starts to make sacrifices for a woman who does not love him back. We know that she is not the right person for him.

I would say that Su Lizhen is Chow’s inspiration for 2046. His relationship with her ended long before the others, but the impact that she has had on him cannot be understated; he wishes to go to 2046, where he can relive his memories with her, as if nothing had changed.

But, as he writes the story and has his characters relive their memories, he finds himself doubting whether she had ever loved him, and whether she was actually in love with someone else (as was Chow in his later relationships). He concludes, then, that there is no reason to want to go to 2046, and that he wants to leave it. He realises that she is not the one for him too.

I believe that the right person always comes at the right time, for the right person will encourage us to grow and mature in the relationship, and if not, they are not the right person for us. Perhaps it may be because either party may not yet be ready, but if either party is unable to support the other’s growth, then what use is the relationship?