It’s shocking that four weeks of class have gone by. Since then I’ve already had one midterm (our term is 15 weeks long), too much coffee, too many coffee chats, too many interviews, and a surprisingly good amount of sleep.
Most people only show up to a few weeks of class before they don’t care anymore (I think). I still show up to class because I haven’t been to school in so long, in some ways I have forgotten how to focus, and now lectures are all in-person (which is great, what else am I [or not I, you know] paying all this tuition for) so I need to be “locked in”, as the kids say.
I think most of my classes are pretty chill, I retain a lot of information relatively easily, which I am so grateful for, if not I would have to spend a much longer time studying. The most worrying class by far is Math, but I think I’m only worried because I want to do well, and I find that the prof is really interesting and I do enjoy her classes, as much as they are fast-paced and sometimes silly.
Mostly the stress comes from figuring out what to do outside of class, I could do as much or as little as I want. That’s the scary part really, figuring out what to do with my life when I’m alone in a foreign place, there aren’t very nice libraries here, and I can’t just go for a nice walk or cycle (frankly it’s just because I’m way too lazy). Weekends are a whole other issue, I guess now I can spend time outside of my dorm so that’s nice (I think my roommates are done with me, so that’s great), I have friends to study with and friends to travel with. I am so lucky to have that.
Exams themselves aren’t particularly crazy, people here are similarly kiasu (majority are Asians, after all), and stress out rather unnecessarily. Recently there was the CS 61A midterm; the CS class is known to be a strong weeder class for people to figure out if they really care about CS or not. People here also stress a lot for exams, the curves and grades are much more generous than in Singapore so I think I’m immune to being affected by the numerical score. After the exam we got fruit snacks, which is such an American concept [I realise I say this very often]. I still think about the packaging.
It is such a privilege to be here. Going to university and being overseas are things that I’ve worked for for so long, it’s still so surreal to be here, and there’s so much to love about being here. There’s something so sweet about worlds colliding, like catching a whiff of weed while queuing up in front of SG Fest (SG with the hint of freedom, maybe), or seeing the imported Mala stores Downtown, or showing my Singaporean friends the beautiful scenes from Berkeley. I am so grateful to be in this environment that I’ve always wanted to be in, it’s hard to be upset when this is what my past self worked so hard for and now I get to bear the fruits of those past efforts. Honestly, looking back at my life I’m so proud of myself for how much I’ve grown to get to this point, and I’m so glad to be able to continue motivating myself to do better. Life is beautiful.
i was grinning from ear-to-ear as i read this, and the last paragraph really melted my heart. very proud of you!