Two weeks

In Cal

1. The quietest time of the day is always 5am. Always we sleep with the windows open, for ventilation, and there are somehow always people making a commotion outside. Except early in the morning. The world is asleep at 5am.

2. The first time I woke up at 5am was on my second day here. I wrote my Exteriors post on Substack and I have never reached a similar level of productivity since.

3. The people here are so extremely friendly. We ask them about anything and everything. It’s good to view the world with a fresh pair of eyes, which have the freedom to make their own judgments.

4. Berkeley is much safer than we expected. Of course, it’s not Singapore-level safe but it’s not so bad. A lot of people are smoking (God knows what they’re smoking) outside Zhangliang Malatang though. Culture clashes…

5. I suspect that a lot of people we pass by daily are on drugs. It is incredibly sad.

6. Every time we use the oven in our apartment the smoke detectors go wild. More of my time in the kitchen is spent directing air away from the smoke detectors, so that they don’t get a chance to breathe.

7. Californians don’t know anything about Singapore. I mean, I don’t expect that much from people here, but it’s still tough. It’s an environment where everyone knows Emily Dickinson but no one knows W. B. Yeats; where I’ve had a full conversation about Gabriel Garcia Marquez but not Kazuo Ishiguro; where all the conversations have been not-so-strangely American-centric. I don’t think I’ve talked much about Singapore beyond the food and the education system.

8. I first visited the Golden Gate Bridge last Sunday. There’s a mysterious allure to it (possibly because it is shrouded in fog most of the time). The first thought that I had was that around two people jump off the Golden Gate Bridge each month. A close friend told me that previously; she said it was the writer’s dream. She won’t ever see this but I hope she knows that I am here.

9. Following from that thought, I recalled The View from Halfway Down (from Bojack Horseman, yes). I’ve watched Free Churro twice; it is certainly a way to process grief. It is surprising how much of such media comes flowing back to me when I need it most.

10. Following from that thought again, I suddenly thought of 静夜思. Yes, that Chinese poem. I’m pretty sure the last time I read it was when I was seven.

    床前明月光，疑是地上霜。
    举头望明月，低头思故乡。

    It is not surprising that I miss home but I am surprised that I can still remember this poem. Such is the mind…

11. I miss my friends. I hate myself for the fact that the only updates I get from everyone’s lives are from Instagram stories and occasional texts. I wish I could be there for all the highs and lows. I’ve had the privilege of videocalling many of my friends (and I will continue to do so! I am proud to announce that I have acquired an unlimited data plan.) but there is still so much that hasn’t been said.

    Why will the whole of love come on me suddenly when I am sad and feel you are far away? - Pablo Neruda, Clenched Soul

12. People in Berkeley are obsessed with matcha. I’ve been roped in to try matcha several times. It still tastes like grass. Note to self: I’ve got to stop succumbing to peer pressure.

13. I still try to sleep early. Sometimes when I’m alone I get a lot of negative thoughts so I sleep them off. Even though I don’t think I feel so tired I don’t have much trouble falling asleep — probably because I walk a lot on the daily. The weather here is amazing; it is good to be tired.

14. My mom says that California is one of the few places in America where people still believe in the “American Dream”. The idea that if you worked hard and made smart choices, you’d be able to climb the social ladder and succeed. The classic “rags to riches” story, even more so at Berkeley. People here have impressive dreams and ambitions and experiences that make me feel so small. It is good to be here precisely because of this. It is a reminder to dream.